Five Years

Friday, December 16, 2011. What was supposed to be a fun day getting things ready for my cookie party that Saturday turned in to an absolute nightmare. Friday morning my husband didn’t wake up. Friday morning, my husband was taken from me. Friday morning my life was ruined. Its been five years since that morning. Five years since my love was taken away from me. Five years and I still don’t know why he had to go. Why was called to Heaven? Why couldn’t he stay with me? Why was it his turn? Why couldn’t we have our life together? Why couldn’t anyone help him? Why couldn’t I help him? Why? I’ll always ask why and I’ll never know the reason. For some reason it was his turn. For some reason his life was cut short at 25 years old. For some reason we were only given 6 years together. Six years. Six years of ups and downs. Six years of laughs. Six years full of love. I’m thankful for those 6 years we did have together. I’ll forever be thankful for them. But its been 5 years of heartache. Five years of missing you. Five years of loneliness. Five years without you. Five years without your hugs. They were the best, they really were. One hug could make everything feel ok. You wrapped me in your arms and I knew all was well. I knew I was safe.

Five years ago my life was turned upside down. But since then I have tried to live my life to the best that I can. Cherish every moment you are given with someone. You never know if that will be the last time you see them. Be grateful for what you are given. As hard as this is, its made me who I am today. Sure, I would give anything to have my Joshua back here with me, but I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t gone through this nightmare. Am I out of my nightmare yet? No, I don’t think so. One day I will be, but the heartache will still be there. That will never go away. I’ll never forget him. I’ll never stop loving him.

So live everyday to its fullest, don’t be afraid. Cherish every moment, don’t let anything go unspoken.  Always say I love you.