Six Years…

6 Years.. This past week I have been so busy I almost forget what day it is and then it hits me. You have now been gone as long as we were together. Six years. Six whole years without you. Six years of feeling alone. Six years of missing you. I often wonder what life would be like if you were still here. Would we still live in Maryland? Or would you have won me over and we would live in Hawaii?Hawaii was never one of my favorite places, you always wanted to go back there and I just wanted to explore somewhere else. But now Hawaii is one of my favorite places. It’s one of the places I dont feel alone. It’s a place where I can feel you with me. A place that has a special little place in my heart. Because that’s where we celebrated our Honeymoon and our one year anniversary together. It’s also the place I celebrated our 4 year anniversary without you. We went back and explored the remaining islands together and I made your dream come true of seeing all of Hawaii. It was that trip that made me see you in more things. Made me look for the rainbows. Whenever I’m feeling down somehow a rainbow always appears and I know you are there. And you always find a way to put a smile on my face. Like yesterday, you sent me SNOW! I LOVE snow, and I missed it earlier this week when I was in Aruba, but you made it snow the day before the hardest day of the year for me. I walked outside and I looked up to Heaven and could feel the snowflakes kissing my cheeks and it made me smile, cause you were there. I dont know why I am talking about Hawaii so much? I think I’m just rambling. But maybe if you were still here we would have a new favorite place and I often wonder where that would be. As long as it included you and our sweet Ellie I would be happy. My mind is just all over the place today. From one thought to the next. I’ve never been good at writing, but once a year I try to write down what I’m feeling. I’m sorry if it doesnt make sense. Next year I will have been without you longer then I was even WITH you. How is that even possible?! Why were we only given 6 years together? Why? Other’s get 60 years with their love, but I was only given 6. Only 6 years. I am thankful for those 6 years though. I’m thankful for the time we had together, I wish it was more, but at least I had those 6 years. I had 6 years of loving you, six years of being happy. Six years of you and all that you were, good and the bad! haha. I will forever love you Joshua, I’m thankful you picked me. ME! Of all people, you picked me and I got to be yours! Your love and you were mine. Thank you for those 6 years my love. Forever & Always.

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