Two years, 731 days ago, today, my world was turned upside down. My husband was taken away from me. It was the worst day of my life. Sometimes it still doesn’t feel real, yet I know it is, and it sucks, big time! I can remember every thing we did that week leading up to that horrible Friday. Like how we recorded Diners, Drive Ins & Dive’s on Monday night because Kid Rock was on it and we watched it together Tuesday night while I ate my favorite peppermint ice cream. Or, how Wednesday night we both got home late from work so we just picked up some Taco Bell (Josh’s Favorite) and watched Two & a Half Men together. Then there is Thursday, this was the day I ran around getting everything ready for my cookie party that was supposed to be on Saturday. I made dinner this night, one of our favorites. It was just something I had come up with in college that was pretty easy to make, but boy was it delicious! He came home around 6:15pm, on the phone with his Momma and said he had to go so we could eat dinner. No one knew that this would be our last meal together. After dinner, I started making my cookies for Saturday. They were waffle cookies, Josh was my taste tester, like always. He approved. Fast forward to 9:00pm. He was upstairs on the phone with one of his buddies and I had run up to get on my computer real quick. One of my favorite vendors was having a sale, I was lucky enough to get the hat I was hoping for. But to this day, I have never, ever used that hat. Around 9:15pm I heard him tell his friend he would see him in a few minutes. I was mad at him. I didn’t want him to go out. I wanted him to stay home with me. He gave me a hug, the ones that I always loved, my Josh hugs, the ones only he could give. He told me “I was the best wife ever”, gave me a kiss and promised to be home in an hour. I mean, this was a work night and this guy did not like getting up early in the morning, so I already knew that was going to be a p.i.t.a. the next morning. He got home late. I was mad at him. I went to sleep mad at him. DONT EVER DO THIS!!! Trust me, you will regret it for the rest of your life if you do. Then Friday came.. I remember every sight, every sound, every silence, every person that was at my house, every officer I had to say the same thing to, over and over. No body would help him, and I couldn’t understand it. How did this happen!? Why did this happen?! WHY? We were good people, why did this have to happen to me?! We were supposed to grow old together, we were supposed to have a life together, a family. We were supposed to have our dreams come true together. Why did my husband have to be taken away? What did I do? And after all the doctors he had been to in the last year and a half why didn’t they find this, why couldn’t they help him before it was too late? And if this was going to happen anyway, why in the world did he have to suffer the last year and a half in pain because his surgeon messed up his first surgery on his back that left him with constant nerve pain every second of the day. I still don’t know why this happened, I still don’t like it, but the only thing I’m glad about, is that he’s not in any pain anymore. Josh was the best person, he was always willing to help someone, always trying to make you laugh and genuinely cared about you. A good person was taken from this earth, and I don’t know why. Only God knows why. I’m thankful for the 5 years we had together. For all the memories we made together, for every second I was able to spend with him.. I still have many questions, I still don’t understand it, I still miss him every second of the day. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. I still see him in everything I do, I still talk to him, I still wish he was here. Nothing will change that. But I know that I will see him again one day, and I cant wait for my “Josh hugs”. I know he is my guardian Angel, always looking out for me. So even though his is physically gone from this earth, he’s not truly gone. He lives on in our dreams, our memories and our love and I will never take any of those for granted.
I know this is way, way, way unlike anything I have ever posted on here. But I felt like it was time, at least time to get some things off my shoulders. If you stuck around til the end, thanks. Thanks for taking a minute out of your day to read this, to be with me. I appreciate every one of you, all your prayers and well wishes are more then I could ask for from anyone and you will never know how grateful I am. Here are a few pictures of my love and I. They aren’t all “perfect” pictures, but to me, they are perfect.
Thank you for sharing your heart Stacey. I’m so proud of you for overcoming your tragedy the way you have. Others would be bitter and miserable to be around after going through something so life changing and you are always a JOY to be around. You’re in my thoughts and prayers always!
(((((( Big Hugs))))) I know it took a lot for you to write this post ! Just wanted to leave you a big hug !
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Every picture is perfect in so many ways. I can see why you love your Josh hugs, there is so much love in each one I see here. You are such a beautiful, strong, caring, loving, talented woman and I’m so blessed to have met you. Pictures are amazing at capturing moments in time so we can enjoy them for a lifetime, I hope they bring a smile to you and fill your heart with joy each time you look at them! And thanks again for sharing this wonderful love story with us 🙂
Stacie, I am so so sorry for your loss! You took John and my engagement photos a few years ago and did such an amazing job! You are a very sweet an talented photographer and my heart breaks for you and your family! Thank you for sharing your story and how amazingly strong you are to continue on with your life after such a tragic event. This is one of my favorite quotes… “◦I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love.” Leo Buscaglia .
Hugs to you.. A truly genuine person.. ♥♡♥♡
Thank you for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes. Thinking of you today and sending hugs your way.
Your pictures are beautiful, your story heartfelt, and what wonderful memories you made together. So so sorry for your loss, you brought tears to my eyes. You are a brave, beautiful woman, and your love and memories will always be in your heart and soul and continue to shine through your work. Thanks for sharing you! Gods blessings and love be with you.
Stacey- You have more courage and are more smart than anyone I know! I love you and I love how you’ve shared your story with everyone today1 This stuff never makes sense- amazing how you’ve been working through it! So strong!!!! <3
Thank you for sharing your story. Recently my husband and I have been having a “hard time”. I have gone to bed angry at him more times than not. Although I know that this is never a good idea, especially when married to someone in the military, it is all to easy to forget and take for granted what is just there, always there, without question, without a stutter, always there. You have reminded me to never take what is right in front of me for granted. Let the little things go, for in the end they are all just little things.. Thank you for taking the time to write about what happened, that could not have been easy. It sounds like you had a very special man, and I am sure that he is looking down now and so proud that you are healing. Watching over you until you meet again. I so enjoy your photos, you are truly a very talented photographer.
Thank you for sharing something so personal. Your pictures shine with the love you have for each other. You will be in my prayers today.
Stacey, this was tough to read and I can only imagine the strength it took to put this into words. Just as you can remember every detail of that week, I remember the sharp sting when my dad asked me “Have you been on StaceyLee’s facebook? Her husband passed away…” and it was instant tears for me. No one knows why “bad things happen to good people” but I’ have sent many healing prayers your way. Thanks for opening up to those of us too afraid to ask. Hugs!
Thank you for sharing your story. It is amazing the things we remember and hold on to when nothing else really matters. I can only hope that you never forget them and treasure each of them until you meet again. By the way, I LOVE this font, what is it??? 🙂
From Heather bawroski
I had dinner with Lindi last night who was talking about this being the 2 year day. I woke up thinking about you today. Thanks for sharing your feelings. Hugs
Thank you for sharing your Josh and your heart with us. My heart breaks for you, but I think you’re an amazing woman and have shown incredible strength and courage to continue on each day. Your pictures are beautiful and you were blessed to have the time with him that you did have. I lost the man I loved over 20 years ago to suicide. He was hurting in a way I didn’t even know about and wasn’t able to help him. I don’t have any pictures of him, only memories that become more vague each year. You were truly blessed to have had such a great love and to have the pictures of it.
Josh was a great person. I went to high school with him and we had a few classes together. Genuinely one of the nicest guys I had the pleasure of meeting. I am so sorry that his life was cut so short and I am so sorry for the pain you have dealt with. He will always look over you. xoxo
Thank you for sharing your heart felt story. I read every word of every sentence.
Stacey, We have loved you for many years and always wanted a good life for you. After all, you are a beautiful Princess. God threw you a curve ball and it does suck! Your strength and resilience are what gets you through.. You deserve the best!
The pictures ARE perfect Stace! Josh loved and adored you! You were the love of his life. I know he’s still with you and helping you step of the way! He told me everything (as you know, lol) and he NEVER said one negative word about you EVER! He only had good to say! I don’t know why this happened either and it’s not fair. Life isn’t fair. I’m so proud of you for sharing your story. I know it was hard for you. I love you always and forever!
Both you and Josh hold many of my childhood memories. He was truly one of a kind! Thank you for sharing your heart with the world. I am truly blessed to have known him and you for so long. Stacey you have a heart of gold and I know in my heart that when the sun shines down on you, it’s your guardian angel warming your heart and soul letting you know he is with you. Every time I glance at Avery’s newborn pictures I think of you and the cries we shared together that cold winter morning( and then Avery peed everywhere lol ) I cherish that! You are such a strong beautiful and TALENTED woman!!!! I love you! And I am putting my arms around you! Xoxo
Thanks for sharing a very special part of your life that I’m sure you hold close to your heart. We will never understand why our love ones leave us way too early, but keep holding onto those memories and it will last a life time!! My thoughts & prayers are with you and your family!!
Wow Stacey…thank you so much for sharing your story. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thanks for sharing “your” story. You are always a huge part of the beginning of your clients stories, sharing their memories & their special day or even moments of their lives. You are strong person to be able to do what you do knowing you lost the love of your life way too soon. Keep remaining strong & always remember him & the good times & memories. I hope things get easier for you and you find peace with God for taking your husband too soon.
StaceyLee : I am so happy to see you put your heart out there and share with us all your feelings…your love ,\your joys and your sorrows.. …not to forget because you never will and you never should..and no one will ever understand why God takes the great ones…like Josh but he must have needed him….all though you must live your life…you will always no you were and still are loved by one of the greatest men that ever lived….and he tought you how to love and how to live…so thanks for putting your feelings out there for all of us to share with you the greatest gift of life (love) ….and especially at this time of year I think all of us reading this will appreciate what we have a little more , than we did before because in a blink life can change…..love always….you are a beautiful person and have so much to give to this world thanks for being you…..and sharing your loving thoughts and photos…..
I know you by your Aunt Izzy, She told me about this when it happen. Your a young lady with lots of faith! I can hear that in your writing. Some times God gives you someone for a short time to learn something! He gave you Josh for a reason…you may not know it now but you will some day! Mine came just 4 years ago and I married him 3 months ago. God blessed me with the best husband ever. Know you will find that love again and Josh will be there smiling knowing you are happy again. Keep your heart open and you will always have Josh with you. Hugs to you from a friend of your Aunt Izzy! God Bless you and give you peace!
What precious pictures of you and Josh. He looks like he does give you amazing hugs… what sweet memories you have shared. So brave of you to open up your heart and share your story. I think of you often. God Bless you always..
I read the whole post and I’m so glad I did. Your strength and faith after such a painful loss are so inspiring. Thank you for sharing this and being such an amazing example of perseverance and happiness after times of suffering. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
It takes a lot to put your heart and pain out there. Thank you for sharing and I hope it brings you some type of peace to see how many people care for you.
I admire your photography and the stories you tell with them.
My lovely & dear niece—I just saw this on your website. I have tears in my eyes for you. I am SO sorry that you had to go through this hoprrible sorrow. Sometimes we do not know why things happen the way they do but I KNOW that God loves you & so do I—-always & forever!!!!!!